Bitter Memories and Not So Sweet Dreams
by Celestial Potatoe
Summary: Dean's been having nightmares. He asks Cas to use his angle mojo to help him sleep, but sometimes powers aren't necessary. Destiel Oneshot. Mild swearing.


Cas always wondered how he got himself into situations like these. He never really understood how it came about, he would be waiting around doing nothing then suddenly Dean would call and every thing went down hill from there.

Today was no different. Or at least he assumed it wasn't. Cas was standing in the middle of a field, taking in the scenery. It was a beautiful place, grasses of lush greens stretching for miles, sheep and cattle milling around aimlessly, just enjoying there inconsequential existence. That's when he heard it, in the back of his mind he heard Dean's quiet prayer _"Hey Cas get your but down here". _Most would consider the way Dean addressed Castiel disrespectful, seeing as he's an angel and all, but Cas saw it as a sign of closeness. Friend ship was something he'd never really experienced before and was very foreign to him, but enjoyable all the same. Not wanting to keep Dean waiting Cas promptly left the fields only to be met by the dazzling green eyes of Dean Winchester.

Castiel immediately stepped back remembering what Dean had said to him about personal space, and assessed his surroundings. He saw the dreary wallpaper of a dingy motel room, something he'd grown accustomed to since knowing the Winchesters. Sam was not in the room leaving Cas to assume that Dean was alone. Cas was worried slightly but, he must admit he was kind of glad they were alone, as he never really got to be alone with Dean all that often. But the state he found Dean in was not something he enjoyed seeing.

"Hello Dean" Cas greeted looking back to Dean. There were bags under his eyes and stubble growing on his chin, indicating Dean was not looking after himself. Typical. "Hey Cas" Dean slurred, his breath smelt like alcohol, probably whisky if the bottles strewn on the floor were anything to go by. Castiel had been called to Dean at least six times during a drunken sate but this time things seemed different. Not drastically, he doubted he'd have been able to sense anything if it weren't for how well he knew the man.

"Sooo..." Dean drawled stumbling slightly as he turned around moving toward the other side of the room. "Why did you call me here?" Castiel asked his voice bordering on harshness but not quite crossing the threshold. "I just wanted to talk" Dean exhaled taking another swig of his beer, sitting down on the creased blue sheets of the motel bed. "I don't understand" Castiel said tilting his head slightly and cautiously taking a step forward, being wary of Deans sudden mood swings that often occurred during states of intoxication. Cas knew all to well that when drunk Deans moods could change drastically. Even the slightest upset could cause him to lash out completely or curl into a ball of sadness and regret and not come out until sobriety returned again. Sometimes Cas feared he would never come out.

"well Cas... I need your help" Dean said sheepishly. He had never liked excepting help let alone asking for it. He hadn't asked Sam to help not because he didn't trust him. Sam was one of the only people he did trust, but because he knew Sam wouldn't and couldn't help. He needed Cas for the task. "So you gonna help me or not?" Dean said, probably too aggressively but he didn't have time to worry about it, he needed a fix and he needed it fast. "You seem upset Dean." Cas said slightly apprehensively, he was worried. "_No_ _shit Cas" _Dean snapped instantly regretting it but not caring as much as he knew he should "help me or get out".

Cas became instantly wary, he knew the signs. Aggression was one of them, he'd have to tread carefully if he were to find out what was wrong. Contrary to Deans belief, Cas cared a great deal about both Winchesters. Though his feeling for were different for each. His feelings for Sam were platonic, he wanted to protect him and ensure his safety. These feelings he understood, he had felt them long before he had left heaven. He was familiar with them, he had felt them for the angels in his garrison (well some of them), he had felt them for Anna and even Gabriel to an extent. Though his feeling for Dean confused him.

When he saw Dean he didn't feel the same as he did when he saw Sam. Some of the emotions were the same, he still wanted to protect Dean and keep him out of harms way, a job that had proven astonishingly difficult. But there were different emotions as well. When Dean was near him his heart beat stuttered, a reaction he usually associated with fear, though he did not fear Dean. He had never felt this before and it bewildered him. His emotions were so strong, he had never experienced much emotion at all before meeting the brothers so the overload of emotions he felt towards Dean was so unfamiliar it almost scared him. Almost. Though he didn't understand what he felt, it certainly wasn't unpleasant.

He wondered if maybe he should ask one of the brothers about his emotions. He had considered asking Dean but he would probably write him of and state his infamous line. 'No chick-flick moments'.

Cas started to consider the current situation. Would this be considered a 'Chick-Flick Moment'? If so maybe if he let Dean have his 'Chick-Flick Moment' perhaps Dean would let him have his. It was a long shot, and Cas knew it. But he also knew that this could be his only chance to ask the question that had been nagging at him for the past year. He though about it for a second longer and decided to go for it. Hopefully Dean wouldn't judge him too harshly.

"Tell me what's wrong" Cas said making his way towards the bed. Again he remembered Deans personal space rule and kept his distance.

"Every thing's wrong." Dean grumbled turning on his side to face the wall. His back to Castiel.

"That's an awful lot of things Dean" Said Cas "are you absolutely sure?"

Even in his drunken state Dean found this endearing, because he knew Cas was completely serious. He didn't understand sarcasm and didn't get a least 90% of the references he and Sam made. His celestial brain would probably explode if he ever met Charlie. This though made Dean smile, even in his horrifically depressed state.

Dean was feeling like absolute shit because his habit of repressing unwanted memories was backfiring. Every horrible thing that had ever happened was trickling out during his dreams. It had started the week before when he had gone to bed back in the bunker. He had woken in a cold sweat after dreaming about his mother on the ceiling. It didn't happen again until 2 days after, but it was 10 times worse. He dreamt about Sam being tossed into Lucifer's cage, and from that night on it hadn't stopped. His worst dreams had been about Cas. He relived every time he died, every time Cas had betrayed him and every time Dean had harmed him. But the ones that hurt the most were the ones where Cas found out about his feelings for him. In his dreams Cas found out Deans attraction and he rejected him, vowing never to speak to him again. Disgusted by the very notion of a romantic relationship with him. Every night he awoke in a cold sweat, Sam had been worried about him but Dean didn't want him to fuss over him. He didn't deserve it.

When a case arose Dean had insisted on going, but Sam was adamant he stayed behind, he wasn't in the state to hunt. Dean argued with him and Sam made Dean do the shot test. Dean missed the target by a mile. Dean stubbornly agreed to stay back, but he made damn sure that Sam knew he wasn't happy about it. Dean ended going to motel outside of town, sick and tired of unhappy reminders of past friends littered around the bunker.

Dean starting sleeping less and less until he stopped sleeping all together. He barely got any sleep as it was and forcing himself to keep awake was like torture. He understood how horrible Sam must have felt with Lucifer messing around in his brain, but at least his dreams could reach him when he was conscious, Sam had had no escape. Dean kept himself awake on a detrimental concoction of coffee and alcohol. Dean had scraped by managing an hour of unintentional sleep every couple of days but his self induced insomnia was starting to really take it's toll.

That's why Dean needed Cas. He needed Cas to knock him out. He had tried smashing his head against pretty much everything but nothing had worked for more than a couple of minuets. He figured he'd end up with severe brain damage if he didn't stop. Then he'd be even less use. He needed Cas to use his mojo to make him sleep, but that involved explaining what was wrong. Dean was not looking forward to it.

"I need you to make me sleep" Dean said apprehensively. Dean knew he'd ask why, and he had rehearsed what he was going to say before Castiel arrived but now that it came down to it he wasn't sure he could lie to the angel.

"Why?" Cas asked. He noticed Dean flinch as he uttered the words. It puzzled him as to why such a simple word warranted such a harsh reaction. It was just one word. But to Dean it meant an unperceivable amount.

"I just can't sleep Cas, there isn't that much to it" Wincing Dean sat up on the bed facing Cas again, his aching muscles straining.

It was then Cas noticed the dark shadows under Deans, his pale complexion and hollow cheeks.

Cas was _really _worried now.

"Dean are you OK?" Castiel said, concern evident in his voice.

"I'm fine Cas, I just havn't been sleeping that well" Dean replied. It wasn't a lie, but it still didn't make Dean feel any better.

Cas looked completely on edge, fearful for Deans safety. "You look like you haven't slept in a week. You are not ok Dean." There was an air of finality about the last sentence. Cas knew he was right, Dean was not ok, and Dean wasn't going to argue. He didn't have the energy anyway.

"Well, just use you angel mojo, knock me out for a few hours and be good as new" Dean forced a smile, witch by the look on Cas's face clearly wasn't convincing.

"I will help you to sleep, but only if you tell me what's wrong." Cas said, his gravely voice turning it into a command. Like Dean was a soldier preparing for battle.

But Dean wasn't a soldier. Not in a military sense. He had all the attributes of a soldier, except he was stubborn as hell.

Dean groaned loudly half from how frustrating Cas could be and half from the effort it took move. Standing up Dean staggered over to Cas almost collapsing twice and finally tripping on an abandoned bottle. Lucky for Dean Cas was there to catch him.

He leaned into him for support as Cas wrapped his arms around the other man's torso. He breathed in the musky scent of Castiel. His aroma was unique it was pungent and woodsy, but slightly sweet, like cinnamon. Dean had never been one for scented candles but if he could, he would make millions of candles that smelled like Cas and he'd light all over the bunker. It was truly the most comforting scent he'd ever come across.

He quickly realised what he was doing and extricated himself from the angles embrace. Dean could still smell it, the calming aroma of the man, soothing his anger.

Dean needed to man up and tell him what was wrong.

" I haven't slept in at least a week." It was out now. He couldn't take it back. What was done was done.

Dean had been expecting Cas to ask him why he couldn't sleep, demand more information from the man, but Cas just looked at Dean, his eyes soft and kind.

"Dean, what happened?" Cas asked gently placing his hand on Deans shoulder.

"I've been having nightmares." Dean whispered, barely audible despite the silence of the room. "Please. Help"

Castiel barely picked it up but he heard it, Deans plea. Cas had never seen the man so vulnerable before. The stubborn, cocky, confident man Cas was accustomed too was gone, replaced by the unguarded, exposed man before him. Cas's heart broke.

Dean didn't know what he had been expecting but what he received was a better reaction that he could have ever thought.

Castiel pulled Dean tight to his body as the tears rushed down his face. Dean was shattering in Catsiel's arms and all Cas could do was hold him and try not to lose the pieces.

Cas led Dean over the the bed, pulled back the sheet and lay Dean down on the sheets head resting on the stained pillow case. He pulled the sheets up to Dean's chin and took a step back when Dean grabbed his hand. "Don't leave" Dean pleaded tears staining his cheeks. It would be a crime to deny him.

Castiel took of his shoes and trench coat, along with his suit jacket. Dean shuffled over to allow Cas in but moved right back into Cas the moment he lay down. Cas draped his arm over Dean's waist as Dean settled between his neck and shoulder, breathing in the pungent, consolatory aroma.

That night Dean dreamt of happy endings, wrapped in Cas's arms.

**A.N- Please review and tell me if you liked it. Constructive criticism welcome, please help me improve and I will try to the best of my abilities. I you have any suggestion as to how I could make this better please feel free to share. Thanks!**


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